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lovesnuffles 12-11-2011 11:19 PM

Break ups ...
 
So I'm seriously thinking about breaking up with Kyle ... We just aren't working and I'm really starting to see his true colors now and I don't like it. But I'm not sure how to break up with him .... :/ He's a lying, controlling asshole who thinks his poop doesn't stink! And I'm SICK of it!! Plus, I'm really sick of that embarrassed feeling I get whenever my ENTIRE friends and family say how much they hate him and what a prick he is ... It's hard to be around people when the one you're with is being such an asshole to everyone else around you. He's got an ego that is WAY to big and today I realized everything he's been lying to me about and that he apparently expects me to be his maid. I'm a maid to NO ONE except my twins. And we've been fighting a lot ...

But anyways ... I just wanted to get this off my chest.

frankywdmn 12-12-2011 02:27 AM

That really ****s Snuffles; break ups are never any fun. But if you're not happy in a relationship, I can't say that I see any good reason for you to stay in it. But I might not be the best person to give advise on the topic, as I haven't dated anyone in over two years. But I still know how hard break ups can be.

buckwheatpw 12-12-2011 04:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovesnuffles (Post 52188)
So I'm seriously thinking about breaking up with Kyle ... We just aren't working and I'm really starting to see his true colors now and I don't like it. But I'm not sure how to break up with him .... :/ He's a lying, controlling asshole who thinks his poop doesn't stink! And I'm SICK of it!! Plus, I'm really sick of that embarrassed feeling I get whenever my ENTIRE friends and family say how much they hate him and what a prick he is ... It's hard to be around people when the one you're with is being such an asshole to everyone else around you. He's got an ego that is WAY to big and today I realized everything he's been lying to me about and that he apparently expects me to be his maid. I'm a maid to NO ONE except my twins. And we've been fighting a lot ...

But anyways ... I just wanted to get this off my chest.

Sounds like you answered your own question. If he's the daddy of the twins, he'll be around for a while. Which doesn't sound so good for you. Is he good for them? Thats another question for you to think about. I hope it turns out good for u and twins!!!!

lovesnuffles 12-12-2011 04:40 AM

He's nice to them ... But he doesn't do a thing for them beyond paying for their stuff ... Which I could get out of child support, so why do I need to stay with him for that? :/ And he's got two other kids that he doesn't even want to see ... He's sees the five year old mostly just because the five year old already knows him. The other baby doesn't know him though. He's seen her twice. And she's over a year old now.

And I don't believe in staying together for the kids ... cause if the parents aren't happy, the kids won't be either.

Thom 12-12-2011 04:43 AM

Hey Snuffles.....
I know I don't really know you and as I'm sure you know already every relationship is different.
I seen where someone asked you if he was the twins father or if he was good with them. Well I got to be honest with you. As far as advice about breaking up I really am not very knowledgeable about that at all. See, Jen and I have been married for 30 years as of this past Nov. 25th. We are still on our honeymoon. So as I said I don't think Im too good at giving breakup advice. Although I will say this. It doesn't matter how long the two of you have been together. It doesn't matter if hes the Twins father. It doesn't matter about anything but this.... Are you happy? Is your family happy? Well from what you said the answer to both of those questions is no. SO how do you leave him you ask? Well Hawn is getting ready to eat again so if you need a place to dispose of "anything" ( like a body) lol I'm sure I can help you out there.
No seriously hon the best thing for you to do is just tell him you are done. Tell him he needs to go and give him a date to be gone by.
I'm sure it didn't but I sure hope this helped you a little bit.

lovesnuffles 12-12-2011 01:16 PM

Well, it's actually his house, so I'm the one who has to get out, but you're right. I'm tired of his "better than you" attitude. It left the worst taste in my mouth to have to come back here and say I was sorry yesterday for getting mad at him for doing absolutely nothing for the twins.

Thom 12-12-2011 05:52 PM

Since its his house if I were you I would just quietly find another place to live and once you have found it tell him you are done and you are leaving. I wouldnt suggest you tell him till you are actually ready to leave cuz it might cause a lot of friction in the household till you do leave

WiccanWolf88 12-12-2011 06:50 PM

Snuffles, I agree with Thom. You need to find your own place and be ready to go before you tell him. If he's as controlling as you say he is, from personal experience of being with controllers in the past, it's only a matter of time before it gets physical. And this is a VERY dangerous situation with the twins.
Good luck.

lovesnuffles 12-12-2011 08:26 PM

I'm gonna go back to mom's ... I can't work with the twins and go to school as well ... and I just don't make enough from Scentsy to be able to afford my own place! So it's all set up ... Wednesday, I've got some friends of mine helping me out and we're getting me outta here while he's at work. I feel guilty not telling him ... and I feel guilty going along with pretending to be happy with him while I'm really plotting leaving him ... But Wiccan is right. I dunno how things will be if I do tell him that I'm leaving. Probably not good. He is very controlling, but he's not physical I don't think ... Not unless I would hit him first.

But I've just gotta let ya'll read the text he sent me earlier -.-' ... Get a load of this crap, this is word for word:

"I want to trust you and you to trust me, and the way for me to trust you is for you to be open and honest with me with no exceptions. :) For the most part, you do those things. However, no insult intended, you learned to lie because of your mom from a very young age. You learned that it was ok to only tell the truth sometimes and never be truly open to anyone. That's why we have problems is because I not only ask but demand open and honest and I don't think you know what that really means. But that's ok. :) I will show you, and you will grow as a person and find that the more open and honest you are, the more you will allow yourself to trust not only me, but others more fully."

My "lie" was saying "ok" when he told me to call my aunt to come help me with the twins and I didn't actually call her because he was on his way home and I saw no point ... WTF right?! Does that sounds condescending to anyone else or am I just way over-reacting?

DBG 12-12-2011 09:27 PM

Tell ya what, my mom and I left my Dad when I was a senior in HS. He didn't even know until we were packing the house up and leaving. They are back together though, but sometimes you need your space. I say go for it and see what comes of it. You never know what comes of this, maybe things will imporve after such drastic measures (it did for my parents and woke my Dad up). I don't think you shoudl feel guilty for "going along" for another couple of days and bam! Adios!

raptor667 12-12-2011 10:40 PM

Sorry to here you are in the situation you are in Snuffles. I know this isn't what you want to hear but the only person qualified to make a decision like that for you is you. When I broke up with my first wife it was a bit messy and a lot of people I considered friends listened to her side and accepted it as fact. Not a fun thing to go through.

If you feel it's in your best interest to not be where you are and you can do something about it then it's a decision only you can make. I could tell you to do something but in all honesty I don't know the situation and it has no consequences for me ( other than having you pissed at me ).

Whatever you decide to do I wish you every happiness.;)

Sparcky 12-12-2011 10:46 PM

Oh Snuffles... reading that text made me think of my own experience. My ex-husband was controlling. He was my first boyfriend, 8 years older than me, and the only guy that had shown any real interest in me. He one time told me that he liked the fact that I was so young (I was 20 at the time) because it allowed him to "teach" me how things were supposed to work. I followed him for years and when I finally got my own job (he did not want me to work) he said that it was a bad influence on me because I became too independent. We have been divorced for 2 years and now I have the greatest guy! He is supportive and treats me as a true equal and partner. I know it will be hard. You seem to have a good support group and a good head on your shoulders. Good luck and we are here for you. It WILL get better... I promise..

*Sparcky*

frankywdmn 12-13-2011 12:23 AM

I'll never understand relationships. :/

lovesnuffles 12-13-2011 12:39 AM

LOL Franky, me neither!! :P

Sparcky, glad someone else understands! But sorry you had to go through it. I seem to attract controlling guys though ... My second boyfriend was EXTREMELY controlling. He was way worse than Kyle is and made no motions to even dress it up and make it pretty like Kyle does. Kyle tries to be controlling in a more subtle way. He tries to think he's telling me something "nice" like that text, that really just pisses me off and I can see right through it. The main problem with him is not that he wants to "teach" me how things should be, but that he thinks he knows EVERYTHING ((he'll tell you this himself)) and his way is the only way.

NASAAN101 12-13-2011 05:48 AM

Hey Angelle,
don't hate me! But My mom and dad broke-up when i was 18-mouths old! and I know what i like growing up with out a dad!! My step-dad didn't come into my life til i was 4 or 5-years old!! So my mom and I are really close. But if you not happy, thing about the boys ok!!! Do you really went them growing up with out a dad!!! Just something to think about ok!
Nikki

lovesnuffles 12-13-2011 01:32 PM

Nikki, staying together for the kids never works out. It only makes the parents unhappy which makes the kids even more unhappy. I grew up without a dad too, and I'm perfectly fine with it. But I hate my dad, so ...

frankywdmn 12-13-2011 03:25 PM

My dad ****s too. But so does my mom...

lovesnuffles 12-13-2011 04:32 PM

Lol Franky, my mom is no picnic, but she's my best option

frankywdmn 12-13-2011 04:38 PM

Yeah, it still ****s having to settle for the lesser of two evils; but I'm not saying you shouldn't do it.

WiccanWolf88 12-13-2011 05:43 PM

Snuffles, that text is very condescending....it's almost like he's saying, "I know these issues are your fault, but I forgive you and I will teach you the right reactions to have to me." Wow. I never thought my Ex was going to be physically abusive, either. But it just escalated from mental to throwing me across the room when I finally got more independence. Then I found a great guy I've been with for 10+ years. It will work out in the end.

DennyS 12-13-2011 08:26 PM

Oh my... I just read all this. As lovely as you are dear friend you will find there are plenty of fish in that ocean that would love to have a wife and mom as lovely as you are!!! I understand and agree with your leaving. Will your Mom except your reptiles as well?? Be not afraid to call me and chat, ok?

lovesnuffles 12-13-2011 08:40 PM

Wiccan, yeah, I guess you never truly know a person. I'm glad you agree with me about that text though! Many people seem to think I'm over-reacting. Everyone but my family that is. They can see right through him!

Denny, thanks. The part I'm most worried about is finding someone who will accept me and the twins ((I'd also like to find someone who doesn't already have kids, but I can't be too picky I guess D: )). But my mom found someone who accepted her as she is, along with her two kids and loved us like his own. But I guess it's easier for men to love kids that aren't their own? Since the twins were born, I just don't and can't look at Little Kyle the same way again and that's not fair for him to have a step-mother who doesn't love him.

lovesnuffles 12-16-2011 02:16 AM

So yesterday, I packed up my stuff and moved out ... I left him ... Last night and today were really hard, but I'm remaining strong!

frankywdmn 12-16-2011 02:23 AM

Good for you!

lovesnuffles 12-16-2011 04:24 AM

Thanks Franky :) It does help to have great friends! <3 ((Ironically, every single one of my friends who've helped me through this are reptile people, except one! LOL!))

DodoBird27 12-16-2011 07:44 AM

Lol, aren't reptile keepers the BEST?!:D
Really though, good for you snuffles. Got to do what's best.

frankywdmn 12-16-2011 07:46 AM

Well, I hope everything works out! Don't get talked back into a situation you don't want to be in.

lovesnuffles 12-16-2011 04:20 PM

Franky, I'm usually pretty good at avoiding those types of situations. It's just when I got pregnant, I felt like I HAD to stay with him ... You know?

Jenna, yes indeed :) Reptile keepers are definitely the best!!

DennyS 12-17-2011 04:22 AM

I am proud of you! I believe you have done the correct thing! Keep up your strength, and don't give in to temptation!!

lovesnuffles 12-17-2011 05:05 AM

Thanks Denny :)

He hasn't even called to check up on the boys or anything yet :/

frankywdmn 12-17-2011 08:43 AM

Wow. Sounds like a jerk.

DBG 12-17-2011 06:07 PM

Hasn't called to check on the kids?! Wow, that's very telling and certainly reinforcement that you did the right thing.

I'm finding that reptile pals are the best pals to have! :D

frankywdmn 12-17-2011 09:06 PM

I don't really have any... except for on here!

lovesnuffles 12-18-2011 03:20 PM

Franky, there is a tri-state herpetological society in the tri-state area of Georgia, Tennessee and Alabama :) You should join! You can meet reptile peoples close to you!!

That's how I met everyone I know except you guys ... Through reptile associations and groups, and of course, reptile shows! :D

WiccanWolf88 12-18-2011 07:23 PM

I don't know anyone else around here who is into reptiles, unfortunately. But my mom is beginning to warm to Lucy a bit! Yesterday they came for Christmas and she held Lucy for a few minutes. It's a beginning! :D

lovesnuffles 12-18-2011 11:14 PM

Yeah, that's definitely a start! :) My mom LOVED Whiskey when she was a baby lol. She won't touch her now though lol

frankywdmn 12-19-2011 06:37 AM

What's the info. for the herp society? I want to join one pretty bad.

lovesnuffles 12-19-2011 06:43 AM

I found one just in Alabama! AARK!

http://www.facebook.com/Alabamaherpsociety?sk=info

That's the facebook link for it ... Looks like they even have their own radio station! >.> I'm totally jealous ... LARK doesn't have a radio station :( ... Then again, we are only two years old ....

((You can e-mail them if you don't wanna join facebook!))

frankywdmn 12-19-2011 07:19 AM

Haha. I don't want to. But I did check them out; I couldn't find ANY meeting info on their facebook page.

lovesnuffles 12-19-2011 01:40 PM

Hmmm ... Yeah, I can't find anything either ... Not much of an association if there's no meetings :/!!


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